you know what amazes me sometimes? the fact that a movie like "junior" ever got the greenlight. i just can't help but imagine a bunch of guys in a room pitching movies at each other, and one of them goes, "hey... let's make a movie where a MAN gives BIRTH!!" everything goes silent before a wave of benevolent praise cascades throughout the room. then, suddenly, one of them shouts, "better yet, let's make it ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER giving birth!!" and then, a cry of "and let's put danny devito in it, too!" rises from the creative turmoil. "women will love it! they'll feel like they can finally connect that gap between themselves and men!" they shout. "and guys will love it because arnold is MANLY!" oh yes. everyone will love it. because everyone really wanted to think about a pregnant arnold schwarzenegger. that's exactly the thought that needs to be planted in the minds of millions for decades to come.
and then, in the months following, money is spent on this project and it is made. and not once... NOT ONCE does the thought "wow, this movie is really god awful. maybe we should just stop" cross anyone's mind. no. they just kept going. spending more and more money and then ADVERTISING IT before finally unleashing it, traumatizing people like me for years. i saw half that movie when i was around eight and i still haven't forgotten it.
the world can be such a baffling place.
Thursday, July 31, 2003
i gave birth to the word "faggort" tonight. i am proud.
my bed is infested with ants and i can't figure out where they're coming from. do they just materialize and bite me? little fuckers. i'll squish them all with my massive ass while i sleep.
i am becoming more and more broke but i somehow must muster (must muster..?) enough money to pay for radiohead and aquabats tickets. and potentially white stripes but let's face it, i can't afford anything more than two dollars anymore. unless it's the cats don't dance dvd... in which case, i buy away!
i ate a caplico stick the size of my arm and so many muscat gummies that i rolled around moaning for awhile (but by no means in a hot or sexy way, mind you) and then i sat down and realized i could grab my stomach WITH MY HANDS AND HOLD IT. oh my god i hate my life. send me hate mail and make me go to the gym, or at least stop me from eating kraft macaroni and cheese. it's getting way out of hand.
maybe i could join the orange county fair as the new premier attraction; "the amazing and terrifying fat albino with parkinson's disease, an enormous head, a bottomless pit for a stomach and body hair like a yeti". people will walk for miles just to witness my horror.
... i just realized that because of the previous two sentences, no one will ever love me again.
sniff. i am especially whiny tonight for someone who has eaten nothing but japanese snackfood and tacos all day. but i guess that's my problem.
senior pictures tomorrow! woopee. i can hardly wait...
my bed is infested with ants and i can't figure out where they're coming from. do they just materialize and bite me? little fuckers. i'll squish them all with my massive ass while i sleep.
i am becoming more and more broke but i somehow must muster (must muster..?) enough money to pay for radiohead and aquabats tickets. and potentially white stripes but let's face it, i can't afford anything more than two dollars anymore. unless it's the cats don't dance dvd... in which case, i buy away!
i ate a caplico stick the size of my arm and so many muscat gummies that i rolled around moaning for awhile (but by no means in a hot or sexy way, mind you) and then i sat down and realized i could grab my stomach WITH MY HANDS AND HOLD IT. oh my god i hate my life. send me hate mail and make me go to the gym, or at least stop me from eating kraft macaroni and cheese. it's getting way out of hand.
maybe i could join the orange county fair as the new premier attraction; "the amazing and terrifying fat albino with parkinson's disease, an enormous head, a bottomless pit for a stomach and body hair like a yeti". people will walk for miles just to witness my horror.
... i just realized that because of the previous two sentences, no one will ever love me again.
sniff. i am especially whiny tonight for someone who has eaten nothing but japanese snackfood and tacos all day. but i guess that's my problem.
senior pictures tomorrow! woopee. i can hardly wait...
Sunday, July 20, 2003
Wednesday, July 09, 2003
life is surprisingly good! i'm drawing a lot and having a lot of fun not having to worry much about anything. ees niiice.
i want to grow up to be ludacris. if i could rap like that man, i would be unstoppable. but i figure... nothing's impossible. so why the hell not? why can't i be like luda? i mean, besides the fact that i'm white like death. but maybe i'll wake up one day and i'll be black. i can only hope.
tell me what you gonna do?
act a fool.
i want to grow up to be ludacris. if i could rap like that man, i would be unstoppable. but i figure... nothing's impossible. so why the hell not? why can't i be like luda? i mean, besides the fact that i'm white like death. but maybe i'll wake up one day and i'll be black. i can only hope.
tell me what you gonna do?
act a fool.
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