Erin's Movie Update

What's today? Thursday, Friday?

Several things have become apparent to me recently. First and foremost:

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is probably the best movie ever made. Honestly. The writing is so good that it blows my mind and I wonder why movies just don't have the same ridiculous spark of pure entertainment that this movie has. Every character is loveable in their own quirky way, even Augustus Gloop, who literally spends thirty seconds on the screen and has three lines before being sucked up in a giant tube stuck in a chocolate river. But that's because it's impossible not to at least have the slight urge to poke a fat German's boy's stomach and giggle. Just think about it. If Gene Wilder ever asks me to marry him I will say yes instantly.

Which brings me to my next point:

As everyone in the world knows, Tim Burton is releasing his own version of a semi-dark yet vividly colored Chocolate Factory. Naturally it has a modern twist to it (just look at Violet's jogging suit and everyone's sneakers) but I will be absolutely astonished if Burton's rendition even so much as touches the hilarious innocence and splendor of one of the most convincing worlds made in a film. Tim Burton's great and all, but I just can't imagine the new film coming close to the original. But it should be interesting, at least. Although the guy who is playing Grandpa Joe is so creepy that I'm starting to lose sleep at night. He looks like Pixar's Geri and Woody Allen had a sickly old baby. I just can't imagine that guy being as squeezeable as the original GJ.

Point number trois:

I have NO idea why (and I probably never will) but I just watched this and I can't wait to see it. If someone walked up to you on the street and pitched a movie starring Jack Black in a SERIOUS role followed by the description of a barrage of battles between dinosaurs and a giant gorilla while a skinny scantily clad blond woman is thrown into the mix, you'd probably slap that person in the face and spit on his shoe for insulting your intelligence (unless you're one of those people who liked Constantine ((and I'm very sorry to he people who are my good friends who enjoyed Constantine and will probably buy it on DVD next week))) Yet the intrigue and desire to see this movie is prominenty coursing through my veins.

Sleeping Beauty is the worst movie Disney ever made, yet has the best style of any of their animated films (actually, the second best, Emperor's New Groove still is the top in my book). Maleficent could have been the craziest (and sexist) baddie ever and her introduction scene makes me shiver and drool at how lithe and calculating she is, but then the next time you see her she's hanging out on a forbidden mountain with henchmen who are a combination of vultures, bats and pigs. What the hell is that? And sadly, even though Princess Aurora is probably the hottest Disney princess ever, she is also the most boring and is hardly even in the movie at all.

Howl's Moving Castle is brilliant.

I think I'm out of things to say for now.

Remember to tip your waitress.