Vault Disney My Ass

Why is it that normal, real copies of Disney movies that have been "put back into the vault" cannot be found anywhere? Man. I've got a copy of Sleeping Beauty that I weasled from Blockbuster and an Emperor's New Groove disc from eBay that was shipped to me from Thailand. I don't want a gaggle of black suits knocking down my door to confiscate my copy of Robin Hood. Disney must be a lot of fools, for whoever is manufacturing these near-perfect copies of their movies in a jungle sweat shop in Malaysia must be making a boatload of money.

Buy the Farm

I am practically peeing my pants 24/7 waiting for Harvest Moon DS to come out. It would have been out a week ago but God hates me so it has been pushed to a Sept. 12 release. Right now that feels like it's about a thousand years away.

RRGGhH!! Why am I denied vast fields of corn and the ability to milk a cow with a stylus? I am counting the days.

ALSO

I'm coming to terms with the fact that, about two months ago when I got my very first bladder infection, I learned for the first time where my urethra empties itself. Now, I find this particularly disturbing because I previously thought I was well-aware of which designated holes did what and where they were located. Slightly more unsettling is the memory of my freshman year Human Health and Sexuality class in high school in which I specifically remember my teacher telling me that "the urethra is here", while pointing to a diagram the clitoris or something close to it. However I am not surprised since this was the teacher that would frequently write his own multiple-choice tests and accidentally leave out the correct answer on a majority of the questions. He also spent time massaging the shoulders of the girls in class, which I guess was his cute way of flirting since he obviously has no idea how female genitalia is structured. Aw, I'm being mean. He's actually a really great guy, honest.

But still. I don't know how I spent twenty years on this planet not knowing where I pee out of.

$40 Day

I just found out today that the book I'm illustrating will have an initial printing of 10,000. Jeez oh man! Thassalottabooks.

So here I am, feeling slightly crappy and tired, debating whether to order these delicious looking cranberry candies I saw on this $40 Day show on the Food Network. The things look tasty. I think I'm just in the mood to buy something on the internets but I can't think of anything to get.

Except for a wallet that looks like it was made out of bacon.

So it's either candies or bacon wallet.

My room

feels like the goddamn devil's sauna. I don't know what happened but today it is horrendously hot and when I climb the staircase I can actually feel my pores preparing to gush sweat as the heat intensifies. On the bright side, it's almost five and it should be cooling down soon.

Wow, did I have a birthday. A marvelous one! I think a record amount of people remembered (thanks, Myspace!) and I got a few tremedously awesome gifts, including two luscious DVD box sets (thanks Mike), one ominous Darth Vader print by artist John Loter (thanks Charles), several signed birthday cards and a reserve for Harvest Moon DS (thanks again, Charles), a gorgeous necklace (thanks Mum), a wireless Guitar Hero controller customized with Venture Bros stickers (thanks Dave), and a Monarch henchman customized My Little Pony (thank you Mollie) which I shall post pictures of sometime soon. Also, add one midnight showing of Snakes on a Plane (thank you Sam Jackson, for being you).

Anyway. Just had to say it's hotter than hell in my room and I'm not going to take it anymore.

I've Been Shot!

I would like everyone to know that I lead a glamorous lifestyle. Glamorous enough to have paparazzi-style photographs taken of me whenever I enter the public. Observe:





Actually, I was spotted by a group of Dave's coworkers while having lunch with Charles. I like how this happens right as I'm thinking to myself, "Dave and I should come here for lunch sometime. I think he gets a long lunch break." Also, while shoveling noodles into my my mouth uncouthly, I thought, "Boy, it's a good thing no one is watching me eat this way".

So much for that.

All I know is that from now on, I'm looking over my shoulder whenever I'm in Irvine or any surrounding area.

ATTENTION

HELLO WORLD. LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE IS UTTERLY AMAZING.

And you know what, World? You're amazing. Seriously. Give yourself a round of applause. You deserve it.

Ugghhh

Today is one of those days where, from the moment you wake up, it sucks. Not in any exceedingly prominent way, but in a very dull, depressing way. For starters, it's been terribly gloomy out all day. Dark and gloomy. I spent my entire day in my room watching cartoons after a fitful night of sleep and a series of bizarre dreams. No one called me and I haven't eaten much in two days due to being busy and stressed. Actually, I lied. I ate something a half hour ago but since my stomach isn't used to eating anything except for english muffins and guacamole over a forty-eight hour period, it's hurting somethin' fierce. After all this, throw in a ton of worry over someone I care about deeply into the mix, and you've got a great recipe for feeling awful.


Also the one dream I feel I can share was one where I was on the Sailing Ship Columbia (the pirate-esque ship at Disneyland) on the sea with the crew from Pirates of the Caribbean. As part of a big spectacle set up for the 50th Anniversary, the ship flew out of the water, leaving a trail of pixie dust behind (for anyone who has even been on the Peter Pan ride, think of the way the ship looks flying over Mermaid Lagoon towards the end of the ride). So the ship zooms forward and it's just me and Jack Sparrow on it, although I'm dressed up like Elizabeth Swann (score). The ship heads towards Disneyland, taking these huge playful dives and twirls down Main Street, freaking the crap out of the Disney guests below. The ship heads for the Rivers of America and plunges into the water, right in front of a screen set-up for the premiere of the Pirates movie. I remember thinking, "I wonder if I can pass for a convincing Keira Knightley with short hair". Meanwhile for some reason Jack and I are tied up over the water for no real reason. The audience is "ooing" and "aahing" at the spectacle, when suddenly, GIANT TENTACLES reach out from the river and towards the guests. The Kraken! Everyone screams and runs. When it is silent again, a producer pops out of nowhere, yells "That's a wrap!" and gets us down while revealing the clever new Kraken special effect they set up.

That was a weird one. The strange thing was it was all so convincing. Even the Kraken effect didn't look super real, but real enough to be something Disney Imagineers could accomplish.

Boy, this entry sure was one big happy sunshiney pick-me-up, wasn't it? Sorry everyone.

Mmm... Lemon squares

I had a dream the other night that I was the Flash and I had to save the rest of the Justice League from evil, and then I was myself again and I went into the kitchen and I baked lemon squares with Dr. Girlfriend.

... I think I'm experiencing some heavy subconscious Comic Con withdrawl.

Good Morning

So today I wake up, and the first thing I see is that iTunes is selling Cartoon Network and Adult Swim shows, including the new season of Venture Bros.

This is a good morning!